Best of Intentions, Walker turns 8, and saying Goodbye

One thing I have learned over the years is that during the rush and craziness of December, I always have the best of intentions for the new year. I know better than to make formal resolutions, but I find myself saying things like, “ok…forget the Christmas cards this year, I will send out a Valentine’s letter instead.” Or “I have got to get all this junk off my desk; I’ll take care of it after CHA when I have a minute to breathe.” Then there is, “oh yeah, I still haven’t blown the computer out this month…I’ll have Talon do it Saturday.” Or when I said, “I will be much better about blogging-no more of this once every couple months crap.” Not to mention, “I shouldn’t be drinking Mountain Dew. This will be my last one. Just one last swallow.” (Which is NEVER just a swallow; well, actually sometimes it is, but very rarely.) Anyway, it’s very sad. For each thing I think of 5 more come to mind. I have every intention of following through, but the reality of it is that I still don’t have time to sit down to write the Valentine’s letter (I’m doing this instead,) and I can ask Talon (again) to take the computer out to clean it but that doesn’t mean he will. And although I haven’t had any Mountain Dew for 2 weeks now, I may need it to stay awake today. My plan is to use the early morning hours on Saturday when I open at work to write my blog…not that I think there is anyone anxiously waiting to read what I have to say. I simply write as a way of keeping track of thoughts and events for future recollection.

January was a good month although it went by much to fast. Walker turned 8 at the beginning of the month. No party this year, which turned out ok simply because he was (is) still so captivated by the Nintendo DS he got for Christmas. He was thrilled with the tower of Hostess Cupcakes and I had been able to find the exact Lego set he had been asking for, (and let me tell you, it was quite a miracle.) Walker is a pretty laid back kid, very low maintenance. Give him a mint and a time to snuggle occasionally and he is a happy camper. He is extremely smart (especially when it comes to numbers) but lazy. A few years ago his teacher told me, “He will go to an exceptional amount of work to keep from doing any work.” He is such the youngest child…he knows how to work the system not only at school but at home too. He knows I am to busy to do the follow-up when I have asked him to do something. When the older kids are in charge, he is not nearly as happy- go-lucky, simply because there is no way they are going to let him get away with stuff they never could. And although he won’t admit it, he is already starting to like girls. In his second grade class, if he doesn’t take his homework back to school completed everyday he isn’t allowed to go to recess. I have him sit down everyday with me after school before he plays to get it done. He doesn’t, however, “remember” to take it back unless I have threatened to take the DS away on the weekend (it’s the only time he is allowed to play.) About a month ago, I was helping in his class. It was recess and once again he was sitting at his desk because he had failed to bring his homework back to his teacher. I noticed that the room was filled with little girls…about 7 of them, who also had failed to bring their homework back. I pretended to read while watching the interaction between him & the girls. Later that night I asked if the girls spent most of their recess in class, too. Yes. “Walker, is that why you don’t take your homework back to school, because you like to stay in class with those girls?” He didn’t answer, but the flushed face and the smile said it all.

Walker was also baptized at the end of the month by his dad and confirmed a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints by his Grandpa Allman, my dad. Walker was so excited to find out my dad was coming. When Odean & I pointed out to Walker that Grandpa Bowler had confirmed Jens and did he want to ask Grandpa Allman to confirm him, you should have seen the look on his face. (And I’m kicking myself for not getting a picture of them together. Obviously I was not thinking.) About a week before, Alesi Taylor asked Walker if he was excited to be baptized. His response? “Oh yeah, ‘cause all my sins will be washed away like Wednesday morning when I was playing my DS in bed under my covers when I wasn’t supposed to.” I guess I need to hide that DS better.

January has also been the end of an era, of sorts, for me. For the last 7 years I have been fortunate enough to have the opportunity to work with a marvelous group of people in the scrapbook & crafting industry. I started teaching at a local store at a time when “scrapbooking” was the rising star of past-time hobbies. I was there for close to 5 years when I moved away from the retail/consumer aspect of the hobby and began to work with a repping group covering all stores south of Nephi. (There were originally only 3 large enough to buy direct.) Anyway, twice a year I had the privilege of working for Creativity Inc. at the Craft & Hobby Association (CHA) tradeshows and then again at a couple other events a year. There was even one summer where every couple weeks I flew to another consumer show to teach classes for 3 or 4 days. It was always a nice break away from the kids and my “mom” life. I looked forward to wearing clothes I didn’t have to worry about peanut butter or mud being smeared on. I could sleep through the night and actually eat food while it was still hot, not to mention adult conversation for the entire week. I made some amazing friends, people who have made a lasting mark on my life in one way or another; people well worth the effort to keep in touch with.
As the industry has slowed down, I have felt a little lost. Those I started out with have either left the company or moved up. I have felt a little lost. I have had opportunities to move within the company but have felt strongly that “mom” should be my only career. Traveling a few times a year is very different than traveling monthly. As the company changed its focus away from the independents and more towards the box stores, I have had fewer orders to write and more time sitting at the shows. I have often wondered why I was there, not wanting to be considered simply a show “fixture” but not ready to say goodbye to my “other family” yet. My life has gotten increasingly busier as it often does as children get older. I have 4 teenagers and will have teenagers for another 12 years or so. It was so much easier to be gone when they were little. I never realized how much teenagers needed a mom to be there and available. Not just to take them places but to listen, to laugh, to help them unwind from the social pressures at school while they are trying to find themselves. (Writing this, I actually realize what a great disservice I did to Gypsy by adding pressure to her while I was gone. I should have stopped years sooner. Although I told her I would stop any time, I should have known would never ask.)
I truly expected that as I told my friends of my decision, I would become emotional and change my mind. It never happened. The same peace I had felt when I made my decision stayed with me throughout the entire show. I admit I did have my teary moments but I knew I was done and that it was for the right reason. I hope to still do occasional work for Creativity. Maybe the occasional ad for Hobby Lobby or design samples for the trade shows; I would even like to help with the annual Archiver’s event at Mall of America in September if my schedule allows; I just can’t bear not getting to see Wendy (photo left) and Iliana (photo right). I still love to scrapbook, probably more than ever, but as for the trade shows I’ve said goodbye. (Photos of Wendy, Iliana and my blog photo were taken by my great friend, Becky http://beckynovacek.typepad.com/live_and_learn/)

The Week of December...surely it wasn't an entire month!

Christmas came and went much too fast. I am starting to see how time is moving much faster as I am getting older…maybe it isn’t because of my age nearly as much as it is because of my increasingly busy life. Or maybe it is simply a mixture of both. Whatever the reason, it seems as if just when I had time to take a deep breath and enjoy Christmas, It was gone. The memories are already fading like the fragmented dreams from just last night.

December started off…hmmm. I’m not sure. Seems like I went to sleep after Thanksgiving dinner and woke up mid month. I do remember having the wonderful opportunity of chaperoning Gypsy and the Snow Canyon Madrigals/performance choir to Salt Lake City. They had about 11 different performances in 2 days, starting at the State Capital Building and ending on Temple Square in the Assembly Hall. I admit I went reluctantly. I didn’t want to go because I felt I was too busy. I hadn’t even started with the Gunlock Pageant; not a gift had been made or purchased. I had something scheduled every night and I was scheduled to work every day. When Gypsy asked me to go I could see in her eyes how important it was to her. (She denies this fact, but she did tell me it would be the best Christmas present I could give her.) I don’t remember the last time I was so torn. I even cried to Shanna who quickly put it all into perspective for me, “Kim, she is 18 years old. How many more opportunities are you going to have to do this kind of thing? Do you not realize how lucky you are that she even wants to spend time with you?” I actually sat in the van and cried when we hung up because I knew she was right. I didn’t cry because I didn’t want to go, I cried because I realized what a precious opportunity it was. I was ashamed that I ever considered not going.

As I try to organize my thoughts about the trip to put down, I realize I can’t do it justice. I choke up just thinking about it. These kids were amazing-both in voice and in spirit. Everywhere we went there was some sort of little “moment”…maybe not for everyone, but certainly for me. I should have kept my journal with me constantly. I could have written about the little boy at Primary Children’s Hospital who was just being released after having a brain tumor removed. Or the woman from Ivins who was at Church Office Building. She is serving a mission in the Family History Center and was there hoping to catch a glimpse of anyone she might have known from home. Or when upon completing their performance at the Assembly Hall, the gentleman in charge abruptly demanded to know who’s parent had a camera. (This was after, prior to the performance, he explained why no photographs were allowed to bed taken in the building). As the kids filed off the stand he then whispered to Mr. Reimer, “I have probably heard 100 different choirs so far this season, and I have NEVER heard anything like that!” And no one will forget when Sister Dalton, the president of the YW’s organization hugged each one as she looked in their eyes and spoke to them individually. (Even the boys waited anxiously for their minute to visit with her.) It was the high point of the season for me… the perfect way to start Christmas.

Ten days before Christmas, still no presents had been purchased. Not for the kids, any extended family or for the annual Gunlock Christmas Eve program. I think I had canceled and rescheduled the shopping for the program at least 3 times. I did at this point have the day scheduled to get Santa’s Gunlock shopping done. Buying toys for 65 kids with a blank check from Santa himself….it just doesn’t get better than that! But it did!!!! The most wonderful snow storm came swooping in with a vengeance. It has been years since we had snow this close to Christmas. All morning people would come into Dutchman’s, moaning and groaning about the weather. I drove people crazy with my giggles and smiles. Someone even growled and told me to go back where I came from. When it came time to leave work and begin shopping I couldn’t have been happier. Alesi Taylor & Sara Laub met me at Walmart. Let the party begin!!! In less than an hour and a half we had the majority of shopping done. No stress, just Christmas carols all the way. Believe it or not, my favorite part of the night was driving home in white-out conditions, at about 5 miles an hour. What normally takes me 25 minutes took 2 ½ hours. I sang at the top of my lungs the entire way.
It snowed all night. We were stuck in Gunlock for most of the next day. The school bus couldn’t leave. I couldn’t make it to work. We took the day to get the house straightened & cleaned. When the kids were in bed, the decorations went up. Speaking of decorations….I don’t think I have ever enjoyed putting out my things near as much. Every item that came out of the box was a little trip down memory lane. Every seasonal item I own has been a gift from someone I love or something I made. My favorites? Definitely the reindeer Mindy gave me years ago. It was handmade, tea-dyed with twig antlers and wearing a red tutu. Odean hates it. He thinks it looks like a jack rabbit that has been run-over by a truck…notice the bulging eyes. I love it so much that it stays out until after Valentines Day. (With all the red, I feel it is justified.) I also love my nesting snowman boxes. Years ago we came home from FHE at a friend’s home to find these 10 nesting boxes filled with gifts at our door. We were financially struggling and not sure if we would be able to pay our usual monthly expenses, let alone a bill from Santa. The kids were so excited! I remember what was in each and every box. Not very long ago, probably within the last 6 months, I found out who left those boxes. (To my knowledge, they don’t know I know.) It makes me love the boxes even more. Then there are all my Santas. I never consciously planned on collecting them but I have accumulated quite a few. I have a couple given to me by my sister Tami, many from my mom-gotta love The Santa & Reindeer Tango. Then there is my Santa painting the toy fire truck, given to me by my late Grandma Felt. And although I know Grandma gave the same Santa to many (if not all) of her married grandkids, I feel as if she picked it out just for me. I could go on and on listing each and every decoration with the memories that come rushing forth. While I was taking out each item, it dawned on me that the decorating that takes place at around the holidays isn’t really about just making the house look festive…at least not for me it isn’t. It is about surrounding myself with memories of those I love whom I don’t get to see or share the holiday with. It makes me a little sad that it is time for it all to be put away. I’m just not ready to say goodbye to all the memories for another year, but having it all out just represents one more thing that needs to be done.

Distinguished Scholar

Congrats to Gypsy for her SUU Distinguished Scholar Award. She has always busted her butt in school regardless of the subject. It is now paying off as colleges are trying to recruit her for next year. Great job!

Halloween, Birthdays & Parties, Old Friends...

I know it is November, but just one last comment on the holiday and some photos…Gotta love having kids old enough to take care of Halloween costumes on their own. I love that Sabrina & her friends got together and planned a “theme”. They worked on pageant sashes all week. I’m hoping one of the moms was able to get a group photo at the party Friday night. Jens’ and Walker’s costumes were thrown together just prior to heading into school. Jen’s bandages didn’t make through the day-they drove him crazy. The wound tattoos, however, seem to still be holding strong almost 2 weeks later.

Last week was Sabrina’s 12th birthday. Wow…has it really been that long? It seems like only yesterday when she was screaming nonstop, spitting up constantly, and in the hospital with RSV. It was winter; we were living at Bigelow Ranch in a home with no furnace and with kids sleeping in our bed or on the living room floor. Seems like a nightmare now, but sometimes I actually miss it…not really. I’m rambling… Anyway, my little girl turned 12! She is an amazing young lady-ok…having issues with “young lady” not that she isn’t one-more along the lines of “denial” that she is old enough to fall into that category. She is so sweet-I love watching her with little kids. She always tries to involve them in whatever games she and her friends are playing. She is very nurturing and tender. She would like to be a nurse someday-a field I think she will excel in. She likes playing the clarinet but can’t wait until after Christmas to change to the oboe. She loves to read and loves papercrafting of all kinds. It’s not uncommon to find her and Lexi or Keki & La spread out on the floor in the homework room surrounded by scrapbooking supplies. So anyway, it was her birthday and I was not here. I know, very crummy of me-I was in Kaysville at my sister Tami’s house, watching her kids while she was in Hawaii with friends. (If Tami was a better sister, she would have sent me instead-but she didn’t.) Tami had to get permission from Sabrina for me to be gone before I agreed to go up there. She did give permission but there were a couple of conditions. First was that Tami had to bring her home something from Hawaii-which she did and Sabrina LOVED, btw. Second, was that I would allow Sabrina to have one last birthday party-which is this coming Saturday. I think the last time Sabrina had an actual birthday party was when she turned 8. This party will have a scrapbook theme. I figured with all the extra supplies I have left over from various classes taught over the years I would only have to spend $ on a glue stick for each girl. I am using older sales samples of albums, stamp sets, paper packs and calendars as “prizes” for the girls to take home. I knew I must be saving all this stuff for a reason!

While I was up in Kaysville, I was able to reconnect with some friends from high school. I had lunch with Stacey McNellis one afternoon at Applebee’s. (She hasn’t changed a bit.) I connected with Talena Johnson through Facebook and then read her blog from beginning to end-it is amazing what I have the patience to do when it doesn’t take 2 days for an internet page to come up. I’ve known Talena since I first moved to West Bountiful in 1st grade-she sat right next to me and was the only person who read more. (Isn’t it funny the things we remember?) We had almost every elementary school class together. (This was our 5th grade class photo-Talena is top row far right. I am bottom row far right.)

I also was able to visit with Kelli Rencher-now Rollins, at her home in Bountiful. Can I just tell you how much I love Kelli? We became friends in 9th grade-never had a class together but our lockers were close. She always called me Kimless, actually still does…I never could figure out why. We both worked for Desert Book after high school in different locations but for the same manager. She has 5 very active boys of whom I only met the youngest, a 2 year old. He looks just like her. Whenever I need a good laugh I read her blog. Anyway, I tell you this because the next little bit about my house is specifically for her.

...What Makes a House a Home, Coming Home and Vanquishing Evil …not to be confused with “Vanquishing Evil Upon Coming Home.”

I have a love/hate relationship with my house. I LOVE where we live . I LOVE the fact that I have a relatively low house payment. I LOVE the low ceilings, the low utilities, the paneled walls…actually, sometimes I hate that part, and I love the layout that allows me to know who is home and where they are at all times. I love the giant tub in my bathroom. I love the built on addition that gives me a family room, food storage and that gives me a place to throw all of Odean’s stuff that he leaves lying around. I love that the water heater and stove are run on propane instead of electricity-when the power goes out I can still cook and have a hot bath…even if it is off for days. I love that my house is lived in, child friendly, and comfortable. It isn’t the nicest or the newest with all the stainless steel, granite, rock and wood of the newer houses. While I was at Kelli’s we got in a debate over who’s house had more of a “White Trash” look. This conversation wasn’t a “feel sorry for me” pitty party, not in the least. It was a laughing realization of how much we are alike in ideals and priorities. We both have older homes that need attention. We both have large families and the expenses that come with them. It seems for both of us that whenever we have the money saved to fix or replace the cupboards, floors, carpet, etc…either a car or major appliance dies and needs to be replaced. Windows get fixed only to break again within weeks or sometimes even within days. While both of us dream of owning furniture that hasn’t belonged to someone else first, we are very grateful for the well loved pieces from friends and family. Every thing we own has a story with how it ended up in here. And Kelli, while I will concede that your kitchen wins the “Hammered” award with the missing cupboard doors and the loose railing (even though you must admit the holey carpet over the linoleum and mustard stove missing the oven knobs has a nice touch,) I do win the “Trailer Trash” award with my overall outside view. I do admit I wouldn’t mind a new house with new appliances someday, I wouldn’t trade the memory of Talon falling through the floor while on the toilet for anything!
I am finding that going away from home without my kids is even harder now that they are teenagers than it was when Walker was 1 and I was going to work at the trade shows for the first time. Back then it was hard to get ready-I needed to arrange for someone to watch the little ones during the day until their Dad got home. I had to have meals planned and prepared for the week I was going to be gone. Not only did I have to pack for myself, but I needed to have everyone else’s laundry done, bags packed for each person’s house each individual child might be going to. The house was usually trashed when I got home. Odean’s philosophy was always, “If they are alive when you get home, I’ve done my job.” It got easier over the years as the kids got older. They were able to do their own laundry, prepare their own meals; I just had to make sure there was laundry detergent and options for dinner. I would get home and things would be relatively picked up. It would almost seem like just another day. Now I have 4 teenagers. There are schedules to be juggled; homework to follow up with and make sure it gets completed. Instead of just having to remind Odean that there are kids at home-now’s not the time to be working late if you can help it-I have 4 others that are so self absorbed that they forget Jens & Walker still need supervision and help. I’m not saying that my kids are totally selfish but the true nature of almost any teenager is that the world pretty much revolves around themselves. I have spent the first two days home with my teenagers lined up and bursting at the seams, waiting for their turn to erupt with all the emotional baggage they have had pent up waiting for my return. I have spent the next two days recovering from it. And while it is every bit as exhausting as was the late nights up with a baby, the countless diaper changes, the many miles spent pacing with sleepless babies, I wouldn’t go back to the other for anything in the world. I LOVE having teenagers. I love seeing how far they have come. I love getting a little glimpse of what they will be like as adults. I don’t always love what I see, but I love them tremendously.

And finally, just when you were thinking this was never going to end, I close with photos of our own Superheros as they spend a day vanquishing evil rather than cleaning their rooms like they were supposed to. (And I quote, “But Mom! There was evil to be vanquished! My room could wait just a little longer!”)

I LOVE halloween...usually

I do. I love everything about it. I like the decorations, the weather, making or coming up with the costumes, doing the make-up early before sending them to school, the candy...ESPECIALLY the candy. I enjoy helping with class parties, with halloween primary activites-on the rare occassion we have them, and I am particularly excited about the town party (which will hopefully become a tradition.) We have looked forward to Dave Craig's haunted porch which has migrated down the street and spread to be the Haunted Annex. The kids talk about it for weeks wondering what he is going to do this year. There is always some trepidation as they worry whether or not he will have to work. (I think he gets into it so much that he actually asks for time off.) As I am getting older, however, I am finding I have less and less time to enjoy it. Maybe it has less to do with my age, but more to do with my children's ages.

Once upon a time I would start making the costumes about the end of September. All month long, the kids would have the costume box out trying on different outfits, creating characters or becoming one from their current favorite Disney movie. I remember many many princess dresses, a fuzzy bear, zorro capes, batman, elephants, mermaid, genies, little red riding hood, pippi longstocking, vampires, zombies, gypsies, witches-wicked and of the royal variety. There was also Cleopatra, a puppy dog, a wizard from the House of Griffindor-of course, a fortune teller, a pirate-back before pirates were cool, and a mad scientist. I am sure I'm missing many others-like the zoombie prom queen Sierra was ever so breifly last year. (She looked AWESOME! But after I finished with her makeup, she saw herself in the mirror and freaked out. Washed it right off. Had nightmares for days. I did get a couple pictures but she made me promise I would not post them.)

So here it is-2 days before Halloween. The fabric for Jens and Walker's Jedi costumes is untouched downstairs...where it will probably remain for the next year. I did start sewing a month ago, but I have spent the entire time working on Gypsy's costume for the school musical. I only finished on Saturday night and have had zero time to even think of sewing since then. The boys will have to dig through the trunk to see what they can come up with. I'm sure it will be ghoulish and creepy. I think I have candy for the trick-or-treaters. I'm still trying to come up with games and activites for Walker's 2nd grade class. Tonight is my only night home and I even leave to head up north early Friday afternoon. Hopefully someone with think of taking pictures. I know that I have loved this holiday in the past. Maybe next year I will have time to enjoy it.

Pinewood Derby, Sadies, and Walker's Random Comments

I love this time of year. I love the cooler mornings with days in the upper 70's to low 80's. I love that it gets dark earlier because it means Odean will be home sooner. It also means the Pinewood Derby is upon us.

In Gunlock, the Pinewood Derby isn't just for the scouts. Everyone can participate. We get cars for all of us, however Talon, Gypsy and I just didn't have time this year. Our cars are still in the boxes sitting on the homework table. Anyway, Odean oversees the cutting and sanding. I supervise the artistic efforts. It is the one of the few times of the year I let the kids into my scrapbook & craft supplies. After the wheels are added, the kids weigh the cars and add whatever extra weight is allowed. (Only the boy scouts have weight limitations.) The final product really shows off each personality.

First is Walker's. He wanted it red and blue with his initials so everyone would know it was his. Next is Odean's. The Lead Sled Deux. Who cares what it looks like...he just wants it to be fast, fast enough to beat any of the Fisher's-which he failed to do. (Had to love it! Jake (13) beat him! Not only was his fast, but it looked great! You could tell he had really spent some time on it. I wish I had a picture. He won an award for the most realistic-it was an army tanker truck.) Odean did get 2nd place, though. Last is Jens. Not one for much detail-he wanted it black. Most important for him was getting the "eyes" right.

The girls, both limited in color options because of my dwindling paint stash, chose to use the same color palette. Where Sabrina sort of added as she went along, finding stickers and buttons that matched the paint, Sierra had a party theme in mind all along-the more the merrier.

Other things going on this week include Talon getting asked to go to Snow Canyon High School's Sadies dance coming up in a few weeks. A cute gal from his Health class (I'm not saying who since he hasn't figured it out yet) found out he was going to be asked by someone in one of his other classes. She was actually told he was "reserved". (Are you kidding me? Is he a library book or something? When did it become ok to call "dibs" on a person?) Rather than backing down, she knew she had to make a move quick. She drove out to Gunlock that afternoon to leave her mark on Talon's room. (I bet he wishes he would have cleaned it up like I had asked. Being the mean mom that I am, I did NOT pick anything up-including his underwear-before she went in his room. It made me laugh that there was more of Talon's things lying around than there were of Jens' or Walker's.

Good thing she didn't fill the tub with real goldfish like she had wanted to. They would have all been dead before he got home. (Yes...the kids tub is really that dirty. Shocker isn't it.)

And on one final note for the evening, I thought I would share a conversation Walker had with me this evening.

W "Mom, I really don't like being the youngest one in the family anymore."

M "Well, I don't think there is anything we can do about that. I'm sorry."

W "Oh yes. Tanner wants a parrot. He told Dad to find one for him and he would trade a parrot for Cooper. And Dad is looking so when he finds one for Tanner then Cooper can be the youngest one in the family and I won't have to be any more."

Hmmmm....I wonder if Tanner Burdick has talked to his parents about this trade.